UPDATE: BAD YESHIVA BOY ESCAPES MAXIUM SECUIRTY PRISON
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BREAKING NEWS: BAD YESHIVA BOY NADAV BARAK COHEN, 15 HAS ESCAPED A MAXIUM SECURITY PRISON.
After his interrogation in Guantanamo Bay, the CIA shipped Nadav to a federal prison In New York as the public wanted to watch this evil man face justice. Nadav on the other hand had no plan on being executed. At approximately 3:30:23 pm on February 11, 2019 a prison guard approached Nadav’s solitary confinement sell to give him his lunch. When the guard handed the tray of peasant food over, Nadav said “I have a surprise for you!” Nadav then stripped from his orange jump suit and flashed his man tits which he claims are pecs. The guard then fainted from this trauma and Nadav exited his cell. On his way out of the prison, Nadav freed many of his friends who were in jail. Nadav successfully escaped with 35 members of the Mexican Cartel, EL FUCKING CHAPO, and the Subway Icon who was convicted of being a pedo rapist, Jared Fogle. All these men are now free and are dangerous. The authorities have released a statement and have offered a $1,000,000 tip for anyone who offers any substantial evidence on these men. However authorities plead that civilians do not engage with these men as all are very dangerous.
Many of Nadav’s former friends, teachers and acquaintances have voiced their concerns over their safety as Nadav is now free. Mrs. Calvagno of the Wheatley School has expressed that she feels that the 10 FBI agents protecting her is not enough. Ashis Kumar 17, of the Wheatley School has offered his help in protecting Mrs. Calvagno as he has better pecs than Nadav. The Federal Governemnt has offered over 100 Secret Service Agents for former friends of Nadav Cohen.
This case has sparked National interest. President Trump has used this event as an argument for his border wall. Earlier today he stated “If we had a wall, those 35 Mexican Cartel rapist shits and that fucker El Chapo or whatever the fuck his name is would never have been in our country, let alone escape jail. When asked how a wall would prevent American Citizen Nadav Cohen from commuting his crimes, President Trump introduced the “Cohen Ban”. He then stated “I propose a ban on all Cohen’s. Nadav Cohen is a bad man who’s pecs do not compare to mine. Also this act would get rid of my bitch former lawyer Michael Cohen who is an ultimate snake.” Vice President Mike Pence had a completely different response. “Nadav Cohen is an American Hero. It is my understanding that Nadav is also very anti LGBT. Nadav has raised concerns about how the Metal Boxes known as Televisons have been turning our people gay or even fucking transgender. I urge Nadav to meet with me In Washington, D.C. so that we can fight the holy war together.
We have reached out to Nadav’s personal phone number, social media accounts and former NATO generals but have received no response.
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