Windom Liquor Store to move into Shopko Building
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In an unsurprising move, Windom City officials have announced that the location for the new liquor store is the Shopko building. Unnamed sources have confirmed the move.
A spokesman for the City said ~ "Windom residents are a bunch of Heathens and drink a lot. We plan on capitalizing and cashing in on their self-destructive habit. With the new Shopko location, we are even considering cornering the market on Quarter pornographic movies. Like they have on the outskirts of Chicago. Back in the day, movie rental businesses had a sectioned off area for their Adult Entertainment. We plan on re-living those trends. We already have the market blocked off from any other off-sale free enterprise (liquor), why not expand to porn?"
"Fully backed by every single City employee, it makes prefect sense to expand city taxes and make this happen.", another city employee was quoted as saying. "There's no other way to keep our jobs. Any one that speaks out against anything is threatened with termination." Several others nodded in agreement while they watched warily over their shoulders.
Local Heathens from the "Windom Happenings UNcensored" facebook Group roundly approve of the planned usage and are looking forward to getting their groove on in the Champagne Room. One Heathen said " Fuck it, the City does what it wants anyway. I just hope they have a midget section in the Porn Room."
The new owners of the Guardian Inn applauded the move but seemed cautious at the possibility that the new porn section of the liquor store might not accept SNAP cards.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.