Windom announces new Costco, Crop Incentive and City motto
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The City of Windom has announced a new program to re-vitalize the local economy. With various new housing on the horizon, the city of Windom needs an influx of new residents. A new citizenship question has been devised to make sure the new residents are Windom-worthy ~ "If you have one bucket that contains 2 gallons and another bucket that contains 7 gallons, how many buckets do you have?" Those that answer the question correctly will be awarded a Section 8 apartment near the lake. Those that answer incorrectly will go to the Section 8 Guardian Inn housing.
A spokesperson for the city who goes by the name Upgrayedd, which he spells thusly, with two D's, as he says, "for a double dose of this pimping" outlined the plan in a news conference today.
The spokesperson released this statement ~ "Farmers are the backbone of this community and with this incentive, we should all be sharing the wealth of expanded crops. In order to share the wealth, there will however be initial sacrifices. The current water shortage has resulted in reduced yields this season. Our plan is to reduce water usage by using Gatorade to water our crops. The study conducted by our experts has determined that funding for the initial purchase of Gatorade will come from an increase in property taxes and a new 9 city sales tax. Also included in our study is a complete re-branding of Windom to include a City Motto " Electrolytes, it's what plants crave."
The new Costco, rumored to be 69 square acres large will be built in 2020 to provide jobs for all of the new residents. Every person entering will be greeted with "Welcome to Costco, I love you".
The response from city residents was less than stellar to this recent news. Several followers of Windom Happenings UNcensored went on the record to say that the every city official needed to be sentenced to one night of Rehabilitation.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.