What’s Ahead For Our Beloved Falcons
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Welcome back ladies and gentleman, we have waited and we have yearned for the return of the FERGUSON FALCONS not much left to wait now so we here at OroTurtle News are making your this your one time stop for your insight on this years team. During free agency the SouthWest Eagles lured key agents Allen “Turbo” González and Willam Garcia to sign with them instead of resigning with the Ferguson Falcons we will miss their combined .267 batting average. The big L in free agency came when Miami Christian Victors stole Ace and Blackman Carlos Rodriguez, the falcons reportedly did everything to convince him to stay but it just wasn’t enough. He’s quoted “ I just felt like it was time to go. After two massive choke jobs like that after carrying the team all year it was my time to go. Also now that I have this platform to talk I need to make sure the people now, Coach Parra the P.E teacher needs to be fired he touched me inappropriately he’s a pedo-.” The line was randomly cut after that guess we’ll never know what he was trying to say as he’s a Victor now. To relieve the losses the Ferguson falcons picked up SS Andrew “D1 Drew” Estrella who already has proven to be just what the team needed in the hitting department. Although complications with chemistry has been an issue as it is believed that Estrella called one of his teammates penis “a piece and a half.” That’s pretty gay son. Also they signed MIF Adrian “piece and a half” Vivo. Now for some of the returns all around utility player Ozwaldinho Martinez came out with his summer routine of jerking off 17 times a day being the key factor in throwing 90mph. His teammate fan favorite Christian Suasmallcock refuted this saying he doubled that and it didn’t work. Former mass shooter Itthy Villabos was released from prison as the courts ruled he went full sicko mode and wasn’t in the right state of mind so he has been cleared to play, he was quoted as saying “I’m just so happy to be back you know ever since I’ve been out I’ve already been approached by FIU and Stetson you can say I’m a big deal.”His GPS on the other hand still has not been repaired. Multi-Billionaire Xavier Murillo has announced that he will return to play, it was rumored after his massively successful shoe releases and gardening tool company opening he wouldn’t play and focus on business but he’s gonna play folks. Other notable events about what our falcons were up to during the summer include, Adrian Fleites becoming a born again PO committing himself to a life of shagging boring BP and dugout antics. He also became the biggest pimp on the team. Mario Aberaut went on a camping trip to clear his mind and gain his mojo back instead he came back with a magic trick he learned. It makes it to where there’s an invisible hole in his bat where the ball passes through everytime he swings. Dylan Perez started a go fund me for a medical procedure to be surgically attached to his girlfriends hip at all times. Raul Puerta grew a mustache and became a pornstar. Luis “Turtle” Ortega was drafted 1 overall in the NBA2K 2020 draft. That’s all for now folks tune in throughout the entire season to get updates on this historical team as they look to finally get past the first fucking round
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.