Nation Wide MANHUNT for Jake
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The FBI is on a manhunt for a man know as Jake after he was reported by neighbors after they’d been witnessing him trying to turn his backyard into a plantation/gay porn studio. Reports say he nearly finished and was already getting the cotton farming started when police apprehended him. Upon bringing him in for questioning his only statement was I did it for the vine upon saying that he came a load he’d been saving for weeks on the officer. It took 3 days too unstick the officer from the wall. That was the last known confirmed sighting of Jake, it has been suspected he is now hiding out in an alpha male chad server known as fzys methlab. When his friend with benefits named Henry was asked if he knew anything about jakes current whereabouts this he said “No More ?'s” and proceeded to sing an Eazy E song. Fzy and his girlfriend Grace where asked nothing was said and Fzy and Grace continued dry humping and making out. If you have any information Jakes friends have requested you tell them so that they can “convince” you to not talk whatever that means.
That’s all for today folks stay tuned for more news.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.